I Promise You:  Your Heart Will Speak Beautiful, Magical Things to You.

A Message to the Graduates of 2016

You are precious and beautiful. There is no one on earth like you.  I know what you are going to say.  From where you are  now, you may not be able to fully believe me.  We live in a complicated and loud world.  It will try to tell you who you should be and it will make you feel that who you are is not nearly enough.  Never have these voices been louder, more confusing or more demanding on young people than they are now, and it's just not right.    

You need - you deserve -reinforcements to emphatically tell you that these external messages are false and should not define you.

And if you’ve ingested them and believe them, it is also not your fault.  We all have.  Most of the time adults who would genuinely want to help you to understand this are held back from doing so because they are too busy and distracted trying to deal with their own insecurities.  They may not realize you are struggling with the same questions they have about themselves every day. 

So I ask you to listen to me, because I see you.  I notice the struggle. I feel it as my own.   I am a woman who has walked where you walk now, with the same kinds of hopes, dreams, insecurities, pressures and worries and a lifetime ahead yet to be shaped.

I can tell you that any time I’ve spent conforming to someone else’s idea of who I should be ended up being a waste of time.  It doesn’t matter if the message is coming from someone who loves you, or if it is someone in the media in a position of authority who you assume knows better than you.

 No one knows better than you about this particular topic:  you.  No one is in a better position to know what wonders you contain.  

And in many ways, since you have not yet been buried in the routines of adult life, you are actually in a position of more clarity to notice what is wrong with this world.  And I tell you there is a lot that is not as it should be.   

Your truth about that is a gift to us all. Speaking up about it does not mean you are weak or whiny.  It means you are brave.  It means you are a truth teller.  And the world needs more truth tellers. That is why I am committed to being one right now.  For you. We can be truth tellers together. 

You may not realize it, but it is so easy to skip the step of really getting to know yourself  at this time in your life.  And by getting to know yourself I don’t mean your exterior image - but what really moves you and lights you up from deep inside.  Believe me, because I know:  before you know it, you are an adult consumed with paying the bills, proving yourself, and focused on taking care of the next generation.   It will be harder and harder to find yourself if you haven’t already started to look when you were young. There are a lot of adults walking around who long ago lost the spark of who they really are. They think they are roles.  They think they are achievements.  They think they are the stuff they own. But I can tell you that none of these things are who we are. And it's a good thing, because all these things are fleeting and subject to change at any moment.  Only "who we are" is completely in our control.  Only "who we are" lasts a lifetime.   And because roles, achievements and stuff  are not who we actually are, they can never succeed in making us permanently happy and secure with ourselves.   

So my advice to you is this:  give yourself the permission to get to know what makes you happy and alive now.  Instead of focusing on all the things that aren’t perfect in your life, or all the ways that you may think YOU are not perfect, cultivate a space where you can dream your own dreams without editing of any kind.  You see, I've learned that the most important relationship you can ever cultivate is a relationship with yourself.    The most important life habit you can ever develop is to be able to listen to your heart, then to boldly claim the truth you find as real, valid and important. Because it is real, valid and important.  

And I do mean this quite literally.  Listen.  Focus on that place in your chest where your heart is.  Just linger and listen.  Some people hear these messages more clearly through art, music, movement or journaling.  Walking or sitting quietly in nature is also a way to deepen your heart-listening. You may have to listen for a long time before you hear anything.  But listen.

I promise you, if you do any of these things enough, your heart will speak beautiful, magical things to you.  It will remind you who you really are.  It will fill you up with an endless well of aliveness and connection, and you will suddenly realize that everything you’ve been told about the scarcity of love and acceptance isn’t true.

  

You do not have to earn love.  

You can never lose it. 

It doesn’t come from outside of you.  

Because you ARE love. You can source what you need directly from within; 

by respecting yourself, 

by following your hunches, 

by discovering what you really love to do, 

by saying “no” to anything that does not feel good or right to you.

You've never been a label, a dress size, an accomplishment, a race, a gender, a body, a socioeconomic class, an IQ.  You are far more precious and unique than any label or category could ever portray.  While some people may make you believe you need to be this or that, the much bigger calling is what the universe needed – and intended – you to be. And only you can really know that, from within.  

I’ve learned that the universe is an unfathomably intelligent system, and nothing is created that was not in some cosmic way called forth by some existing need.  YOU were called forth. And that is no accident.  

That is no small thing. 

You matter. 

You were needed.   

Can you feel the monumental pull of that? 

If you are the answer, what was the universe’s question? Now, this is a question worth a lifetime of inquiry. This is a question that gets you somewhere in life.

Every person you touch with your presence is forever changed by you, and this is true worth. This is true power.  This is true meaning and purpose. And this is why you being you is so important to me.  Because if you somehow miss expressing the core of who you are, what makes you come alive, neither I nor anyone else will have the benefit of 

your light, 

your joy, 

your unique expression.    

So your task is actually quite simple.  Be fully you.  And if you think about it, trying to be anybody else for any reason will never lead to showing you how lovable you really are, because you will never really know if people are in love with you or in love with some false image of you that you have created.  Do you see how the pretend self actually creates separation between you and the love you seek; separation between you and YOU? 

I can only tell you that my life didn’t come fully alive until I dared to claim my authentic self, until I believed I was enough to deserve the life I’d dreamed of.  When I chose to align with me, a path of grace and ease unfolded, and I’ve been on it ever since.  

And just in case you think this is selfish,  I want to tell you that love for your authentic self can’t help but spread love out in every direction to others.  Loving oneself isn't narcissism.  It's an investment in the future, not just in your own future, but in the future of people you haven’t yet met or may never directly meet.  This is because Love is a chain reaction, one whose starting point is in each and every one of us. And magical things happen when love is at the center. 

I’ve come to learn that love is a form of activism.  It transforms.  It liberates.  And this is how we co-create the kind of world we really want to live in:  by loving our authentic selves well.   Like the dynamic, evolving universe we live in, we are always evolving and creating something never seen before, something beautiful and magical and one of a kind. Please don’t miss discovering your one of a kind story.  Don’t miss telling your one of a kind story.  Please, dare to be you.

I want you to experience the profound sense of peace, harmony and happiness available to you in this precious life of yours.  You do not need to re-live the "never good enough" messages you’ve ingested in the past by ingesting them in the present or future. We can break the chain of “never enoughness” and set ourselves free forever.    

May you always know that

you were born enough

you have always been enough.

you always will be enough.

May your dream for your life be the one and only map you follow. 

May you know you are none other than 

love, sweet love 

discovering 

itself.

A perfect answer to the universe’s great need.

           

Laurie McCammon is the author of Enough!  How to Liberate Yourself and Remake the World with Just One Word (Conari Press - April 1, 2016) and host of The Enough Message blog on Blogspot.  You can connect with Laurie by leaving your comments below or by liking and following her on Facebook at "Laurie McCammon author"  and Twitter @EnoughMessage  Her website is:  http://www.lauriemccammon.com

Owning Your Story as A Path to Enoughness

Is the path leading out or in? 

Story is a really powerful thing. Most of us know it can entertain, create commitment, mend fences, and even spark a movement.  But do many of us know that the simple act of writing our own story can be life-changing?

My only child is currently engaged in the age old right of passage of writing his college entrance essay - three little paragraphs that seemingly hold sway over so much. But as his writing-coach mom, I have been struck by something else about the process.  Regardless of the practical results of his essay, the act of writing and claiming one's story is a profound moment in a person's life.  It is a moment of answering, "Who am I?  What is my value? What do I want?  Am I enough?"

When we write our story, we are thick in the act of meaning-making.  It is as if we broaden the lens  from being the experiencer to also becoming the observer, from character on the screen to also being the audience in the seats of the theater.  As observers, we could interpret our role as central characters in so many ways - as victims,  heroes, teachers or learners. And depending on the lens we choose, our stories look and feel very different.

I have come to believe that a need for meaning-making is something inherent to us all.  We've all been taught the hero story, one which begins with a call to adventure, presents one or more problems to be solved, and a conclusion where either we solve the problems or we gain a new valuable insight about ourselves.

All too often, though,  the standard story line is one of good versus evil, right versus wrong, winners versus losers. But real life is rarely, if ever, that simple or absolute.  Our stories are imperfect, our victories incomplete. Our most satisfying and heartbreaking  moments come because we have put aside that stark "otherness" and dare to connect in what Rumi referred to as "the field" "beyond rightness and wrongness." The alternative to meeting in that field is isolation, stagnation. 

I think we are being challenged in these confusing times to claim our deepest stories amid the loudness and roar of all the fleeting outer stories, and to claim them as empowering, meaningful "enough stories." When was the moment we realized we were enough to make a difference? When did we step out of patterns of powerlessness, blame or shame to feel our precious, one-of-a-kind spirits shining through?

Reading my son's story about himself has been a very moving experience for me. Some of the greatest privileges in my seventeen years as a parent have been our sacred conversations when I've remembered to reflect back to him his precious "enough story" until he could clearly see himself.

Everyone knows from direct experience that the most powerful stories ever told are ones not crafted in this complex and fleeting web of "have to's" "should's," winners and losers,  but those which connect to something much deeper and more universal and enduring   -  the heart. Yet I don't think that young people of any generation have ever been so challenged to be and do so much at a young age.  It is so easy for them to doubt themselves and lose themselves in the complexity of expectation, convention and nuance that is heaped upon them.  If for no other reason, I think it is imperative that we get in touch with our own enough stories so we can help our children to affirm theirs.
 
To claim our enough story is to remember again who we truly are; to remember what we love and why we have come; to affirm that we are and in fact always have been enough to be perfectly who we are. To do this is to claim for ourselves and for the world a greater sense of peace, liberation, self-acceptance and purpose.  In my opinion, nothing could be more powerful - and meaning-full - than that.

How about you?

When was the moment you realized you are enough to make a difference?

When did you step out of old patterns of powerlessness, blame or shame to feel your precious, one-of-a-kind spirit shining through? 

You can find our more about Laurie or her book, Enough!  How to Liberate Yourself and Remake the World with Just One Word at www.theenoughmessage.com  

Laurie writes another monthly blog, Wisdom From the Circle, sharing the themes that arise in her women's circle each month. 

Could Humanity Be the Last to Know That Lack is a Myth?

In her new book, Enough: Beyond the Myth of Lack Laurie McCammon, MS makes an intriguing claim: lack is not real. How could this be when we see evidence everywhere of dwindling natural resources, species extinction and global warming?

“I am not saying there are no limits,” she says, “What I am saying is that most of the lack we see around us is the result of human choices and that such conditions do not exist naturally. Because the lack we see is a result of man-made choices, we shouldn’t accept it as ‘just the way things are.’ We should challenge the premise that keeps lack perpetually in place. Homo sapiens appears to be the only species on earth who lives according to this “Never Enough” myth. Wouldn’t you think we’d pay attention to how the other 8.7 million species successfully create healthy, sustainable ecosystems that work for everyone without depleting the systems upon which everyone relies?”

McCammon points out that if you examine human biology, you will find a nervous system designed to cope with short bursts of stress, but not one built to sustain a perpetual state of heightened alert. “And yet, isn’t this exactly what is perpetrated by politicians, mainstream media and advertising who would have us believe we don’t have enough and aren’t enough, or that if we are one of the fortunate ones to have enough, we should be afraid of losing it any minute?” Whole industries, she points out, such as luxury goods, insurance, and cosmetics are built upon this idea that we aren’t enough as we are. “We never seem to look back over our decisions to buy more stuff and ask if those decisions ever brought us the feelings of adequacy, belonging and accomplishment we expected them to. “ She believes that this insatiable longing to feel enough results in all kinds of hoarding and over-consumption, which greatly adds to the material burden humans place on the planet. She puts it this way: “When we lose our sense of belonging, we tend to fill our lives up with belongings.”

“What we tend to forget is that what one person needs to be happy is actually very different than what another person needs to be happy. In other words, my enough is not your enough. But when we get caught up in a consumerist society, we are apt to believe we must check off  the same list of standardized boxes in order to prove we are enough. This list becomes a story that rules our lives, creating achievement anxiety, shame and guilt. In truth, we could do without a great deal and never experience it as a sense of lack.  And conversely, when we have too much, there is a palpable stress burden placed upon us. In essence, we've traded a portion of our freedom for the material objects we possess, whether it is labor we’ve invested to buy the item in the first place, or labor and time required to maintain what we’ve bought. Then there is the emotional burden of worrying about our things – are they safe, in good working order, might someone damage or steal them from us, is there a better, updated version we should have instead?”  McCammon believes that the stress burden of things greatly complicates our lives and distracts us further from cultivating the real source of happiness - an inner sense of enoughness. "Enoughness comes from a felt sense of our own beingness, a sense of belonging to a universe which could not possibly be enough without us. Many things in the material world may leave us craving and wanting more, but most of us are absolutely starving for meaning - to know that we really do matter. What I've found is that the universe is absolutely barraging us with subtle messages that we do matter, each and every one of us."  

To understand how, when and why we forgot our "enough" roots, McCammon turns to anthropology, mythology and systems theory. According to McCammon, the “Never Enough Paradigm” began more than 5,000 years ago when humanity entered the Agrarian Era. This monumental shift in perspective involved moving away from total dependence on nature to take on the mantel of “masters of the material realm.” The progression of the “Never Enough Paradigm” accelerated in the industrial and digital ages, representing the height of intellectual prowess and physical efficiency, but crowded out the heart and acknowledgement of the spiritual and the sacred. Everything, including humans and the earth became objects in the drive to have more. We no longer oriented towards our depths. All that mattered was at the surface, in what we do or have. 

“The brain is very fond of breaking things into parts for analysis and manipulation, but it isn’t as good at perceiving subtle relationships and nuances, cause and effect at a distance, or whole systems dynamics," says McCammon.  The human capacity to perceive interrelationships and holism, she claims, is essential to survival of our species, and yet it has been greatly devalued in our society.  "It is not optional. Intuition and subtle reception aren't fluff.  They are cutting-edge. Both capacities are absolutely essential to keeping up with today’s science and technology which are huddled right now in the realms of the subtle, interconnected and intangible, such as quantum physics, scalar waves, wireless networks, and cloud-based technologies.” McCammon suggests that all we need to do is look at our cutting edge technologies and ask how they reflect the corresponding frontier of human consciousness. "It is always a mirror and a metaphor for the inner work we need to do to move forward. A greater awareness of subtle interrelatedness is where we are going. This means beingness. This means spirit. This means essence. It is unstoppable and inevitable.” To attune to the subtle, Laurie suggests that we explore something referred to as heart intelligence, which has been proven by science to be real and measurable. Heart intelligence is inherent and has always been evidenced in indigenous and feminine ways of perceiving. “The idea is that we are becoming more whole again in our ability to perceive. This means mind and heart. Yin and yang. Material and spirit. We’ve done our work on testing the intellect for 5,000 years. Now it is time to focus on the heart.“

McCammon shows how the last 5,000 years correspond to humanity’s adolescent stage of growth. “This means that we aren’t, as we have assumed, at the pinnacle or adulthood of our species. We have yet to enter adulthood as a species, which is characterized by taking responsibility for our actions and fulfilling our desire to widen our affiliation from ‘me’ (humans) to ‘we’(all beings on earth). We have been exploring tribal mentality so far in quite an adolescent way. Although the tribe has expanded over time from smaller to bigger – from family to village, to religious or political affiliation, to country - it doesn’t become truly mature until it reflects an ability to think globally and universally.” The motivation and action to fuel global change arise naturally from an expansion in what McCammon calls affiliative consciousness. Affiliative consciousness is incorporating more “other” as “we,” a departure from separation consciousness. “This is why it is pretty useless to try to convince someone whose primary consciousness is himself, his job or his family’s economic well-being that he should care about what his employer is doing to contribute to global warming. He is not a bad person. He just can’t see beyond his own affiliative bubble right now.” says McCammon. “But what this also tells us is if you are someone who deeply cares about the earth or other species or regions of the globe, you are already embodying the expanded consciousness. You are the proof of the ripening maturity of our species. You are proof that humanity’s capacity for solving the earth’s most threatening and complex problems is amid a great transformation and expansion. And the good news is as this circle of affiliation expands, so does humanity's own felt sense of security, joy, empowerment, purpose and fulfillment - automatically.”

What does this have to do with the book’s primary focus, “enough”? “If we look at all the forms of suffering in the world today, we find a common cause, the belief in lack or “Never Enough.” McCammon says, “The imperative to get more is so reinforced from an early age that we are blind to how it distorts everything from our self-esteem to our relationships to our consumer and career choices, leading to the waste, exploitation and hoarding so prevalent on our planet today. We have mistakenly believed that 'survival of the fittest' was our primary orientation as human beings, and this false idea with no basis in science unfortunately has lingered on, taking on benign or overly-positive names such as competition, achievement, winning, success and growth. Self-preservation and individualism became the name of the game, driven by the belief that we were not born enough, so must prove it over and over again through what we do or own. All this keeps us from being available to participate in the bigger game, which is participating in our planetary ecosystem in a way that sustains enough for ourselves, our communities and our planet.”

To illustrate how ingrained the idea of “Never Enough” is in our thinking, McCammon poses a question to her readers, “If I were to ask if you are enough, what would you say? Most people would conclude, ‘ No, I am not enough yet. I haven’t achieved all I want to yet. I have goals I haven’t reached, so no, I’m not enough.’ But here’s the trick. I didn’t ask if you have enough or if you have done enough. I asked you if you are enough.  Do you see how quickly we skip over beingness? A newborn baby hasn’t achieved or owned anything, but would you say he is enough? Does a newborn need to do anything to be deserving of his family’s or society’s love and care? Of course not. We need to cultivate a sense of our own beingness, deservedness, worthiness and preciousness, a sense that we are enough because we are here. Then we find we do not need our achievements and our possessions to do the heavy lifting for us. We can relax and focus on doing what we really love to do. Really, the stories we carry about not being enough cause us so much deep suffering, so much 'stuckness' and disempowerment.  All this suffering is optional, not mandatory.  Do we really love our 'I'm not enough' story so much that we won't let go of it? Nature builds in an aversion or pain response for a reason - to guide us to safety, health and well-being."     

Enough: Beyond the Myth of Lack is a book whose optimistic tone is a refreshing departure from the bleak, urgent arguments posed by so many that it is almost too late to correct the damage humans have done, an assumption she states is only true if we remain in the adolescent “Never Enough” consciousness. “And this is not going to happen. We are part of a much larger evolutionary flow, a design which is the based on the dynamic of enough, and we are waking up to it, realizing we have outgrown the Never Enough Story. Exponentially more intelligence, creativity and courage becomes available to us when we embrace that we, too, are part of the universe’s big Enough design. We are enough to address every man-made problem, and to do it quickly and efficiently together.” The latter chapters of Enough are devoted to highlighting the global explosion of independent social movements and green businesses that McCammon says are proof that the Enough awakening is already happening in earnest.  All of this is to say that she wholeheartedly believes that  "An Enough future is inevitable. The shift is happening now. And each and every one of us are enough to be part of it."

Laurie McCammon is a planetary change agent, blogger, facilitator and author of Enough!How to Liberate Yourself and Remake the World with Just One Word, published  by Conari Press, out  April 1, 2016.  You can contact Laurie with comments at lauriemccammon@gmail.com, Like LaurieMcCammon on Facebook or follow her on Twitter at @EnoughMessage